Blogging, It's what's for dinner!
So there I was, balls deep in this guys ass......
Fantastic, incredible, holy hellfire shit tell us about it motherfucker!!!
Here it goes, the much anticipated, long awaited, Stap on Elvis 3 month post.
By the way this blog sucks.
Either way without further ado, I will begin to remember and fill everyone in on the last three months of my life. I will start out with an apology for anyone who has looked forward to a crappy blog entry, only to find I have still.. not posted anything. Either way, you all recieved a three month vacation from my blog so you are all surely up for it now, unless you have been reading other crappy blogs in leiu of mine and have had plenty of pointless rambling!!
My birthday- Well, I turned 29 this year, not a whole lot to celebrate except for the fact that I wasn't 30 yet. There was drinking, little memory and that is about all that happened. Hell that was 90 days ago, what did you expect a great story?! Basically I have been busy opening my new restaurant over the last 3 months. It started oddly enough with me moving to Austin, falling in love with the town, hating my job, getting a new job, enjoying that job, getting promoted, and now I have my own store. The restaurant is called Pluckers, some of you have been there, with varying levels of service. I will apologize now for any lapses in service you may have experienced and console you with the thought that you have not been to my new restaurant so fuck off, and deal with it(I never get to say that at work so thanks for putting up with that). Anyway, I recieved a promotion as the next GM of the Round Rock pluckers in December of 2004, yeah a long time ago, finally in december of 05, construction began on a small lot on the side of I-35. I then transferred to the 183 location and began working to build a staff of competent employees to aid drunks and hungry people. The more I think about it I am a damn helpful person in all of your worlds, as you always need a place to get drunk and a place to feed a hangover away. Enough tooting my own horn. The construction began and I watched as the restaurant came together, half excited and half fearing the onslaught that might occur. I was interviewing nearly 15 people per week, selecting the most competent individuals possible. Granted this is only after a 20 minute interview, but I think we did OK. Some of the hiring went pretty good, and as time approached my open date I became a bit more nervous that I would not be able to staff a restaurant that seated 212 people. My birthday came and went while I was still busily hiring idiots to work for me.
More work.... blah blah blah..... Anyway, after a few weeks the opening creeped nearer and nearer. At most restaurants, before they open they have what they like to call Mock Shifts, where the food is free and the service sucks while we work out the kinks(and yes Brownie it is a little different than when the service sucked on your birthday, we charged you for that). Anyway, we invited family, friends, regulars at our other stores, I invited the hashers, and we sent an email to 5-6 friends that worked at dell. Well, that may have backfired a bit as we had a line of 100+ people waiting in line for the 'Dell free food days', or at least that is what they were calling it. It was a very tiring week of dealing with some crappy Dell employees by the hundreds. It all sucked and that drove me to drinking, hooray beer! I might be leaving a few things out but there was a private investor party that offered free alchohol, that helped a bit, but that was followed by quite the evening on saturday.
The Day of enfamy.....
There I was again, working late, not drinking enough when I decided that at 10:30 on a saturday night I should be out drinking and carousing a little. I called Assgagger and found out that Sphincter, the Keevers, Fish, and a few others were at Jovitas drinking and listening to James McMurtry(sp?). I decided to head out and get a few beers and relax a little. Had I known what was to occur, I probably would have still gone out as it was quite the interesting night. I began my travels down mopac, beginning to crowd for the usual saturday night escapades and arrived shortly thereafter at Jovitas in one of my favorite Austin neighborhoods. I bought a beer said hello to the peeps, finding them a bit more intoxicated than myself, I hastened my drinking pace. After returning to the bar and buying a 6pack of Lonestar, talk had begun of where we were headed next. Some suggested sixth street, some spoke of heading home(losers) and others(Sphincter Blinker) suggested a gay bar. The girls cheered at the thought of all of us in a gay bar with a hot bartender that shaved thier chest and would talk about the coordination of different color patterns in thier vanities, while I silently regretted having known Spincter. I had made it 29 years of my life without setting foot in a gay bar, call me what you will, I didn't have anything against a gay bar, they just didn't have much to offer. As their laughter and cheers grew stronger I realized that this streak was coming to an end and I was going to have to deal with it. Off we went with obscure directions toward Ceaser Chavez and Red River(I didn't even know there was a bar there much less a gay bar) to continue our evening. After I got in my car I realized that through my haste to begin consuming beer, I had overlooked the fact that my car was very low on gas. I mapped a route to above said bar that included a gas station and promptly pulled into the Chevron on the corner of Riverside and Congress. I stepped out of my vehicle turning around and found not one but two police cruisers parked behind me!! "damn" I though "is going to a gay bar illegal??", actually I was thinking about the 30 minutes of beverage consuming I had been involved in prior to the stop. The officers proceded to question me about why I turned right on red at the 'no right turn on red corner', I looked at them dumbfounded and simply replied that I didn't see a sign and that it was an honest mistake. They then took my info asking me where I had been and other questions, do I like turnips, how many bats live under that bridge etc. I tried to cooperate the best I could, as I felt quite sober. After a little more questioning, they looked a bit upset that I wasn't more intoxicated. This coincided with a truck running the light and nearly hitting a car in the intersection. Apparently I was much more sober than that guy and they left me to pump gas and be on my way. By now I am getting phone calls from gagger and the crew wondering where I have been. It was a good story for the walk from our cars to the gay bar.
We arrived at the gay bar, oddly enough with sphincter skipping happily up to the door, at around 12:30. I entered somewhat apprehensively with the rest of the crew to quite the interesting scene. Apparently this place was called the Chain Drive. The name scares me a bit, but we entered got a round of beers and with there being 10 of us it seemed a little less scary. Shortly after arriving the DJ came over and handed me a promo cd. I think he actually passed 3 other people in our group and handed it to me. I was a little curious as to why, but those questions will be answered soon enough. More beers followed, a nervous Day old fish kept snuggling up to female to try and seem a little more straight. The dj came over and handed me another cd??? Once again a bit strange. Oh did I mention the bartender was about 5'5", 200lbs and hairy with no shirt on, I don't think that is what the girls had in mind but he did have some great vanity accent ideas. At about the time my ass was grabbed the first time, one of the members of the group noticed a flag on the wall(not a typo, I meant flag)with a picture of a bear paw on it. When we inquired what that meant to the bartender, he informed us, much to my surprise, that this was a BEAR bar. In the gay world that means all of these horny men like big hairy men. I am not that hairy, but that didn't seem to matter as my ass was cupped once again. More awkwardness followed as the bartender mentioned 'those guys are checking you out'. The beers were only a 1.25 a bottle so we stayed. I think my name was mentioned by Spincter-thanks. After a round of shots, we decided to leave the great bar as it was 2am and we couldn't get any more drinks. Walking out was much more interesting as we were followed by a pair of quite small gay guys who made comments to me such as 'hey Johny green shirt, you ain't foolin nobody'. I walked a bit quicker after that comment. This is when we proceeded to our cars and to IHOP on 183. You would think the night would be over, but similar to this blog post it was just getting going. We arrived at IHOP, I walked in, there was a guy in the waiting area in a tuxedo, I asked how his night was going he didn't say much. I thought to myself 'well fuck you then', then he says that I look like a guy he knows. I half obligingly looked up not recognizing him, and paid little attention to his statement figuring he was simply intoxicated. He then says 'you look like a guy I know named Todd!' This catches me a little off guard, as that is my name. I began to study his face a little more clearly and seeming somewhat more familiar he says, 'did you go to Ball State(the university I attended)' Then I recognize him as my manager from 6 years before. I had not seen or spoke with him since 1999, in Muncie, Indiana. About this time a guy storms through the front door, a little upset that my old friend has taken photos of his attrociously dressed wife, and demands to see the manager, a fight nearly breaks out, but problems are averted and everyone goes their seperate ways. By the way all of that happened in about 3 hours which is probably quicker than how long you have struggle to read this boring shit.
Well over the next week I worked constantly, a little upset that Texas Interhash is the next weekend and I would not be able to attend. As the week progressed, so did my need to get away from work for a day so I called in some favors to avoid working on saturday night. I planned to attend TXIH for that night, get drunk camp and relax a little.
TXIH
Saturday was difficult getting out of work but I managed to leave around 7pm and quickly headed home to pack gear and travel to the country for a night away from work. I am doing this with no directions on how to get to the hash itself, only the mapquest map which was a star in the middle of nowhere on a map. Luckily I made it to the turnoff onto the ranch road on which the party was being held. This is when the drinking could begin for me and I had been awaiting it anxiously. I travelled down the road relishing in the fun that was about to occur. Oddly enough while starting to feel lost travelling down the road a rabbit ran out in front of my truck and ran in front of my vehicle for nearly a quarter of a mile. I thought to myself how nice it was that the Hashers had provided me with my own hare so late at night. Either way directions became much more difficult as I drove for nearly 20 minutes without any markings in sight, crossing 3-4 creeks and eventually arriving back at the highway. I did notice some Brownie is a Wanker signs which means I couldn't be that far off trail, could I? Either way after my third pass on this road and much seeking down a few jeep trails my frustration was growing. The only other car was a ranch truck that had passed me twice. The third time I saw it I decided to stop and ask directions. As I slowed the truck stopped, I asked him if he knew about a campout of sorts in the area and he informed me that that is exactly what he was looking for. Apparently, a few hashers had rolled thier jeep on the way and they were in his car. I then picked them up and we eventually found the camp site.
I arrived to the sounds of Mr. Texas interhash being conducted at the stage said hello and began consuming beer as I knew I would need it later. Later, the temperature had dropped some, which gave me an excuse when the naked hash occurred. The benefit was being cuffed to the future Miss Nude Texas Interhash 2006. We followed trail, reclaimed our clothes, sparing hundreds from the horror and continued consuming beverages. The night worked out pretty good, although cold there was some warmth to be found as the evening proceeded. I awoke to a crisp morning and returned to Austin somewhat refreshed to have gotten away.
I continued my time working and making time for hashing on sunday which has given a little balance to my life, as the weeks have worn on.
Nearing the middle of april I faced a bit of a challenge as I had to hare a hash on the 23rd, move out of my apartment by the 30th, and leave on the 28th to go to Phoenix for my friends wedding. The hash went fine, people where really drunk, the move was a bit difficult with having to work and all but it was completed with the help of DOF and PMP in about 5 hrs. I was now officially living with Slut Slinger and left the next moring for Phoenix. 3 days away from Austin was nice and Phoenix is a great area. Free booze is also very nice. I arrived back to continue looking for a house to move into for good as staying in Sluts house as a temporary move. This seach continued for quite some time and I will get to the rest of that later.
Cinco de Mayo was uneventful for the most part. Trail that weekend was my 4th Hashaversery, which was cool because even though I have been doing this for a while I had never been actively hashing when my analversary came around. It worked out quite well, and the search for the house continued.
This house search thing actually went on quite a bit longer that ever anticipated. Massive Slut Slinger and I had been looking for a house, something interesting, maybe a pool, with a decent price and a good location. I now have seen every house in austin or so it feels. We have probably been in 30-40 houses, 3 of which have been good or great, all three we did not get. This was quite frustrating as time went on as we had to be out of our house on the 1st of june, wait that is today. Either way I will spare you all of the details but we now have a pretty cool house in Pflugerville, with a hot tub and a Tiki Hut. I am sure you will see it soon. Also, if anyone wants to help move there will be free beer and food on saturday.
I hope all goes well from no on. Work is getting a little less stressful, drinking a little more common and I am ready for it to all settle down a bit.
Sorry I have been lacking in my posts as of late but that is pretty much what I did. I did forget to mention the naked tubing trip, the naked three man, a darkside hash that ended up at the yellow rose, and many other various pictures that I don't really want to talk about.
I hope you all have enjoyed the blog, even though I know... This blog does suck.
Strap on Elvis
posted by Strap on Elvis at 12:18 AM
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